FOOD ART AND FAMILY TRADITIONS - CELEBRATING DERBY DAY IN FINE TRADITION

(Writing and photography by Sheila Gail Landgraf)

There are very few things in this life that never change, 

except perhaps, The Kentucky Derby.  In Kentucky; tradition is always tradition.

I take comfort in knowing this fact.  Tradition definitely finds a place in my soul.  

When something is right, you don’t tamper with it.  

You just leave it like it is for the world to love and cherish.   

The Kentucky Derby is one of those things.  

It is now going into it’s  142nd  year, and The Derby is ripe with  traditions.

Everyone loves the tradition of the Garland of Roses presented in the winner's circle.  This first happened in 1896 when winner Ben Brush received a floral arrangement of pink and white roses.  Everyone admires the beautiful twin spires designed by a drafter named Joseph Dominic Baldez who drew the blueprints for the grandstand at Churchill Downs.  Of course it is customary to drink mint juleps and there are a whole number of favorite Kentucky Derby recipes to draw from.  The Oaks and The Derby are the oldest continuously contested sporting event in history.  There are a lot of emotions that come forth from the crowd during the playing of the official song - "My Old Kentucky Home."  

Each year the people gather with excitement and anticipation for the festival events that happen before the race.  Most of these events are huge and are planned for and anticipated all year long.  On Kentucky Derby Eve, distinguished guest and celebrities assemble for a Gala Event known as "One of the 10 Best Parties In The World."   This party is held in the home of Patricia Barnstable Brown (better known as "Tricia"), and it is hosted jointly with her twin sister, Priscilla (better known as “Cyb”.)  

These two amazing hosts and twin sisters have led very interesting lives.   Most people remember them as the twins in the Wrigley’s chewing gum “Doublemint” commercials from back in the 1970s.     They both hail from the University of Kentucky, and Patricia once served as Miss Kentucky.  They also starred together in a short-lived run of a television show called “Quark.”

  

Every Derby Eve these two amazing ladies do a tremendous amount of fund raising for diabetes research, the terrible disease that actually took the life of Patricia's husband, though her fund raising efforts actually started long before that tragedy happened.  The party has evolved over the years into quite a family affair, with the two sisters hosting, but also joined by their Mom, "Willie", and Tricia's 33 year old attorney son, Chris.  Everyone seems to love Chris's suggestions for keeping the party fresh and vibrant each year.  Tickets start selling for around $1,000 each for this Gala and there are many very famous guests who attend.  

The Gala at Barnstable Brown isn’t the only party going on in the area around Chruchhill Downs during Derby week though.  There are numerous other events raising money for charities all over Louisville in the time leading up to Derby Week.  Some of the most well known events are:  The Taste of Derby (supports hunger relief organizations through the Churchill Downs Incorporated Foundation), The Julep (supports cancer research), Night Of…One Race, One Winner, One Party (supports the Permanently Disabled Jockeys Fund, Inc.),  Race For Grace (benefits The Kentucky Race Track Chaplaincy), Silks In The Bluegrass (sponsors Operation Open Arms), Unbridled Eve (sponsors Blessings In A Backpack),  Brews, Bison and Bourbon For The Backside (benefits The Backside Learning Center).  

So you see, the Derby is not only fun and exciting, it is helpful to the world as a whole.  It is amazing how much money is raised by these charities in just one week because of the Derby.  

Wouldn't it be fun to be there the whole week before Derby Day and participate in the festivities leading up to the race?  You would not get bored while waiting for race day.  There are a million little things to do, like riding or racing hot air balloons and watching or racing steamboats.    

Definitely think of adding Kentucky Derby Week to "Things to Do" on your bucket list.  

In the meantime – if you can't make it to Kentucky, you can always have your own local party and catch the race on TV.  It would be fun to come up with some great ideas for celebrating with your friends and family.  Here are a few fun ideas and traditional recipes to try at your own gathering:  

1.  Design and mail out some handmade, artsy invitations, possibly using your own artwork or the art of one of your local artist on the cover.   The Derby has that tradition of supporting local charities, so why not support a few of your own? 

2.  Have an after the race gathering to watch the movie "Dreamer" and give out favors with quotes from the movie with those immortal words by John Gatins framed in small frames to your guests.   

  

I LOVE the poetic quality of those words so cleverly written for the movie; 

"You are a great champion. 
When you ran, the ground shook, the sky opened and mere mortals parted, 
Parted the way to victory, 
where you'll meet me in The Winner's Circle, 
and I'll place a blanket of flowers on your back.”   

Yes, the invitations could have beautiful local artwork, a painting of roses with horses in the background, and the inside left would contain this lovely quote.    Or maybe you have your own vision and creation of an imaginative invitation for your guest.  Go for it!

Of course, the time for your party would need to coincide with the time that the race is being broadcast in your local area.   

Be sure to add a footnote saying “please wear your best hat, and be prepared to wager a $25 bet.”  Give the "bet" money to your favorite local charity after the race.  Everyone can be a winner.

Please be all about the hats!  
Aren't they just the most fun?   
I found the hats pictured above at the Victoria Tea Room in Blue Ridge, TN.  We were on a trip to ride the train through the fall foliage with my parents at the time.  I think the white one with the gold bow would make a nice show for Derby Day.  
I should have bought it!
But don't worry - I'll find just the right one before the race, 
and so should you.  

My daughters were always fascinated by hats growing up.  I wish I had taken them to the Kentucky Derby at some point.  Maybe it isn't too late to plan for some day.  Here is one of my favorite photos of the hats I bought for our twins on their birthday when they turned a quarter of a century.  I bought these hats for them because I have such vivid and fond memories of them trying on hats everywhere they could be found as they grew up!  I would lose them in the stores and I always knew to check out the hat section first!  They would definitely make good candidates for hat wearers on Derby Day.
  

Okay, I'm getting sidetracked, so back to the vision of your Derby party......

 As the people arrive (wearing their best hats of course - possibly from the fabulous selection found at the local Gus Mayer) you would be playing mood appropriate music in the background.  A medley of race songs, maybe "The Soundtrack from Dreamer,” “Run For The Roses” by Dan Fogelberg, and the traditional song by Mr. Foster; "My Old Kentucky Home.” 

You might also think about incorporating  the sound track from "Secretariat," and for fun I would throw in  "Stewball Was A Racehorse" by Peter, Paul and Mary,  "I'll Take You There" by The Staple Singers, "Faster Horses" by Tom T. Hall and "Got Your Horse Right Here" from "Guys and Dolls."  

I could think of a million more if we had time, but you get the idea, the music will be great for creating the atmosphere we want here!  

"Run For The Roses" by Dan Fogelberg has always been one of my very favorite songs.  I lived in Kentucky for one year of my life, during my junior year of high school, and this song always brings technicolor memories of those days to my mind.  It was that famous year when Secretariat won the Triple Crown.  Ah....so nice to have been in that place in time and get to be a small part of such wonderful history!  I loved every moment and got all caught up in the excitement. 

All the more reason for this Derby party!  

Okay; I'll try to stop my journey down memory lane and get back to the vision for this party you might want to throw....  

When people cross the threshold of the door to the house (that will be decorated to remind them of Churchill Downs in as many ways as possible, including a horseshoe wreath on the front door),  they will immediately be handed their first Mint Julep of the evening, then they will be whisked away by an able assistant-host/helper to pose in their lovely hats for an individual photo memory keepsake that they will receive in the mail post-party, with another handmade card.  You might want to write personal notes in each card to express your thanks and memories of their attendance.

There could be a booth just past the foyer of your house resembling the twin spires as much as possible. (This will take a little creativity and work, but it will be worth the effort for the effects it would achieve.) There could be a book at this spot for each guest to sign, stating that they are posting a "wager" on the race.  They can indicate their favored horse when they sign the book.   Guests will be instructed to place $25 into a clear vase sitting on the table next to the book, where they will be pretending to be placing a wager on their favored horse.  They will also sign their name to a slip of paper next to the "till", fold it in half, and place it into another container for a drawing later.  The person who's name is drawn after the race is considered the "Winner" and they will get half of the money in the till.  The other half will be given to the person's favorite charity.  Not a bad prize! 

You could make a designated "Winner's Circle" table in the dining area.   The winner and their guest would be given a special place of honor at this table when the fine dining starts after the race is over. 

MENU/RECIPES/ORDER OF COURSES/TABLE SCAPE SPECIFICS 

Good primary colors to use in decorating the dining room would be black, white and red.  The tablecloths could be starched black linen.  The plates could be white, with gold rims.  The decor would be based around red roses.  The napkins would be folded in a "rose" pattern and placed on each plate.  Other serving dishes could be crystal and silver.  There might be a dinner plate only on the table, and each course could be brought on separate dishes, either crystal or silver, and placed on the plate (so the plates would not actually be used.)  This would make for ease in serving the courses.  Everyone could have their drinks refreshed and go into the dining area for the first course of salad. 

A SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN'S MINT JULEP

(Have an open bar set up in the Living Room)

(These will be served as people enter and refreshed when needed throughout the evening in silver serving glasses, as that is traditional.  Find some fake ones at the party store if you don't want to get too expensive with all of this).

4 fresh mint leaves

1 tsp. sugar

1 1/2 jiggers bourbon whiskey

Coat the mint leaves with sugar and place  in a 12 ounce glass.

Fill the glass with crushed ice and whiskey. Stir until glass frosts.

Garnish top with mint sprig.

As people arrive and mingle in conversations about the upcoming event, you could serve appetizers.  It might be nice to use little serving tables scattered all around the house, covered in starchy black linen tablecloths for serving, as well as the naked furnishings in the main rooms (coffee tables, side tables and bars) displaying silver trays full of finger foods that will say "taste me."  Red roses could be placed strategically around the room.  Everyone could share the appetizers and lots of good conversation, and you could even have slide shows set up of some of the Kentucky Derby photos from the past, with little tidbits of history.  This would open the door to easy conversations for the shy and retiring of your group. 

Serve the salad for a first course before the race.  Below is a good recipe:

RACE DAY SPLIT-PEAR SALAD

Ingredients:  The amounts here depend on how many guest you are having. Chose perfect pears (one for each guest.)  Some Mixed Greens.  Some Arugula.  Some Pan Roasted Pecans (chopped).  Some Grapes, Some Golden Raisins, Some Craisins, Some Dried Cherries, Some Dried Figs, A Few Containers of Blue Cheese Crumbles, Some Slices of Prosciutto, A Jar of Fresh Honey, A Jar of Extra Light Olive Oil, Some Champagne Vinegar and Some Dijon Mustard.

Instructions:  Mix ½ cup olive oil, 3 tablespoons champagne vinegar, 1 teaspoon honey, 1/8^thteaspoon Dijon Mustard to form  a vinaigrette topping.  Set aside for later.  Cook the prosciutto until crisp in a skillet.  Cool.  Take a ripe pear, turn it on it’s side and cut into rounds.  Use an apple core to remove the core, except for the top part, leave the stem attached.  Take a bowl and mix the greens, pecans, cheese and grapes.  Toss the greens in the dressing you set aside.  Use the arugula for garnishing on the plates.  Place the bottom of the pear on a plate (on top of the arugula bed) top this bottom layer with the salad mixture.  Add a piece of prosciutto over the salad and add the next pear part to the stack.  Continue to build up the pear in this way ending with the stem on top.  Cut one pear into slivers and fan several on a plate.  Garnish with grapes and a piece of prosciutto.  Drizzle with honey and serve cold.  This makes a beautiful presentation, but is not that complicated.  You can prepare ahead and refrigerate until time to serve.

After the Salad course, invite everyone to an area you have set up as the Media Room, where you will have the broadcast of the race set up with pay-for-view on a big screen. 

THE RACE IS ON!  CHEER FOR YOUR FAVORITE HORSE!!!!!!!!!!

After the fun and excitement of this event, draw for the winner of the earlier wagers.  After the winner is proclaimed, invite everyone back to the table for the main course of your meal, setting the winner and his guest at the special table set up as "The Winner's Circle."  Present them with their prize, announce their chosen charity, and enjoy the main course together.  

You could serve two options for the main course, Beef Tenderloin with Henry Bain Sauce, and Creamy Bourbon Chicken.  See the recipes below:

  

BEEF TENDERLOIN WITH HENRY BAIN SAUCE

(Henry Bain was the Head Waiter at Louisville's Pendennis Club. He created this sauce which became a Derby Day special.)

Ingredients:

• 1 beef tenderloin


• 1 cup Major Grey's chutney


• 2 oz pickled walnuts, optional


• 1 cup ketchup


• 2/3 cup A-1 sauce


• 1/4 cup Worcestershire


• 3/4 cup Chili sauce


• dash Tabasco

Preparation:

Grill tenderloin to desired temperature. Slice and serve hot or cold. Whisk chutney and walnuts in food processor. Mix in other ingredients. Serve at room temperature. Store in refrigerator.

(These will be served in large martini glasses, with the tenderloin slices placed artistically into the glasses and the Henry Bain Sauce drizzled over the top) 

CREAMY BOURBON CHICKEN

Ingredients:

• 4 to 6 boneless chicken breast halves, skin removed, or about 3 to 4 pounds bone-in chicken pieces


• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour


• salt and pepper, to taste


• 8 ounces sliced mushrooms


• 3 tablespoons butter


• 2 tablespoons olive oil


• 2 green onions, chopped


• 1/3 to 1/2 cup good bourbon


• 1 cup heavy cream

Preparation:

Sprinkle chicken breasts with salt and pepper; lightly dust with flour. Set aside. In a large, heavy skillet over low heat, heat butter and olive oil. Add the chicken pieces and chopped scallions and saute, turning pieces frequently, until chicken is golden and tender, about 15 to 20 minutes. While the chicken cooks, baste with a few spoonfuls of the bourbon every few minutes, adding in very small amounts so liquid cooks off while the chicken cooks and does not accumulate in pan.  When the chicken is cooked through and golden, transfer to a warm platter.  Add sliced mushrooms to the skillet and saute, stirring constantly, for about 3 minutes.  Add the heavy cream to the mushrooms and scrape loose any browned bits that may be stuck to the skillet. Simmer until the mixture is hot and starting to thicken. Taste the sauce and add salt and pepper to taste, then pour the sauce over the chicken. Serves 4, so plan according to your guest list. 

These could be prepared ahead, placed in the oven to keep warm during the race, and taken out just before serving and put into either silver or crystal serving plates, that would be taken to each individual guest at the table. 

After the main course you could  vote on who wore the best hat.  

This will take place a lot like musical chairs, with everyone parading around in their hats to appropriate music around the table until the music stops and everyone is given a paper to vote on their favorite hat.  These votes could be collected and tallied while dessert is being served.  

Here is a good dessert recipe:

KENTUCKY DERBY PIE

3/4 cups sugar

3 tablespoons flour

3 eggs, beaten 

3/4 cups butter, melted

3 Tablespoons Bourbon Whiskey

1/2 tablespoon vanilla extract

3/4 cups chocolate chips, stir in

3/4 cups walnuts, chopped

Combine ingredients and pour into an unbaked pie shell. Bake at 350°F for 30 minutes.  The pies will be served hot with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream on the side.

After dessert is enjoyed by all - announce the winner of the best hat contest.  The winner gets a special gift ordered especially for the party from The Kentucky Derby Gift Shop at Churchill Downs.  (Just go to their web-site and pick out one).

The laughter, interesting conversations and warm friendly faces will fill the room until it is time to go home.

To entertain your stay-over for the weekend guests after the main crowd has thinned out and gone home, pull out the movie "Dreamer" and relax together in the spirit of the day.  Order pizza in and kick back and enjoy your company.  Be sure to place one of the red roses on their bed before everyone turns in for the evening.  All Derby Days should end in roses.  It is tradition!

Well, that's my vision of a dream party for watching the Kentucky Derby at home.  If you decide to carry out my vision, please be sure to invite me to the event!

                                            Happy Derby Day!   

SEASONS - THOUGHTS ABOUT MOTHER'S DAY

When you are a step-mother, Mother’s Day can seem bitter-sweet.  How do I know?  I married a man who had four kids, all less than 10 years old.  The first few months we were married, they were living with their birth-mother and visiting with us every other weekend.  I enjoyed those special weekends immensely!   I kind of felt like I had the best of both worlds, I could have fun with them, and I could send them home and have alone time with my husband.  My plans are often changed by God's plans.  About six months into our marriage, their birth-mother ran into some huge personal problems and a judge reversed the custody of the children.  All four of them came to live with us overnight.   So, I know from experience.  

That was part of my own personal journey through life, which I will explain more about later, but there are so many varried reasons for this day being a bitter-sweet experience for many women, depending on the hand of cards that living life has dealt them.  Some women have wanted children a long time and have been unable to conceive or adopt.  Some have lost their children, either to death, divorce, addictions, disease, bad choices, and some have lived to regret abortions that they didn’t contemplate enough, making this day a pain they can't even speak about or share with others.  Some women raised their children not realizing what a treasure and a gift they were; they simply didn’t have time for them; and time ran out before they woke up and changed.  Every woman has their own personal story.  Fortunately, mine had a happy ending. 

When four small children came to live with me in the twinkling of an eye, my whole world changed in an instant. I was forced to give up the carefree, luxurious, pampered lifestyle I previously enjoyed, and I came to the hard place of making the decision that I needed to cancel my career life for awhile. I had worked hard in my profession.  I never expected this to happen, and I wasn’t at all prepared for the sudden change; but as I look back now, over 24 years later, I can only see what a miracle from God this change became in my life. I would not trade those wonderful, magical days for anything. This unexpected burden turned into a great big huge surprise package of blessings from God. Living with what I had considered to be “less” was actually “more” because of the richness of those blessings that come with invisible price tags, those blessings that can’t be measured in monetary value.  For example; the solid gold experience of flying kites with them over our little bit of farm land, passed down from my grandfather to my parents to us.  There was something that felt solid about having another generation to pass things on to one day.  I cherished all the simple things like this, those times of laughing and jumping on new mowed hay together, and the priceless experience of making mud pies in our own driveway, or maybe the valuable memories of fishing in the little pond in our front yard, or the way I felt like a million dollars after teaching them how to ride their first bicycles on a hill near our first little rental house. We shared many pets together, and we created many adventures together.

Now that the kids are all grown, I can clearly see that my living with less made me a much better person, and it taught them more about life too. Though my own Mom and Dad were a perfect example to me; what I knew about being a part of a family from practical experience was almost zero before they came to live with us. What I learned about love through raising them was priceless.

The neighborhood where we lived became a much more creative place because by day; we ruled it! We hiked through the pastures, and waded in the creek and mud puddles that God provided especially for our entertainment. We played in the tree house and put a tire swing in the old tree by the road. There were those one million "little things" that just seemed to sneak up on you, unplanned and unexpected, which were worth more than all the jewels in any famous queen’s jewelry box.

I have fond memories of building huts and hideouts in the woods on a hill by the lake near our first rental house.  I can vividly recall sitting inside and reading all of my favorite children’s classic stories to them. I got to take them to school every day, and we often sang in the car.  I knew all the lines to all their favorite songs on the radio. We took trips to the mountains and the beach together. We went to the movies together. We went skating.  We went to the zoo.  We drove out to Sportsman’s lake a lot.  I got to participate in the excitement of the proms, the beauty pageants, the school plays, banquets and awards and graduations.  I got the calls when the teacher was concerned, and I relayed the messages to my husband in the careful ways of a mother’s heart. I got to help with the science experiments and the literature projects that we still talk about from time to time (We covered Narnia very well - four times!)  We enjoyed many exciting days at the ball park, and we spent lots of sleepless nights when they had sleepover friends, roasting some-mores and having pillow fights. I planned the “Sweet 16” surprise birthday parties with their friends.  We camped in the back yard some summers. I was the one present when they gave their hearts to God. I helped them pray their way through to the Kingdom; and I knew when their hearts had arrived safely home. I knew their favorite colors and their favorite foods, their favorite clothes, and what they liked and what they did not appreciate.  Then there were those every day, normal things of childhood that you always remember, times when they were sick and stayed home from school and we watched movies all day; and nights we skipped the schedule and ordered pizza and played games in the den, those emergencies, like when one stuck his toe under the lawnmower and I played guessing games with him while the doctor sewed it up, or when one fell off the school bus steps and was embarrassed to tell anyone else but me, or when one got car sick from riding in the back seat, or when one got in trouble for swapping classes with her twin sister. 

We shared so much.  We shared those great omelet and pancake breakfasts their Dad was famous for on sleep-in Saturday mornings.  I showed them how to pinch a lightning bug and make a ring to put on their finger, and how to put them in a jar and make a lantern. After all, I am the one who showed them how to tie a string onto a June bug's leg to watch him fly around in circles. I pointed out the tadpoles in the pond, and explained how they would turn into frogs one day.  We spent hours gazing at the stars in the night sky on our little farm. I told them how butterflies came from caterpillars in a cocoon. I could go on forever with these little/big moments and memories of childhood, that only become significant when you are looking back.

Now I am speaking of these special memories with my grandchildren, and because I was given this gift of raising these particular kids, I strongly suspect that I will also have the privilege of always sharing the gift of life with their children! 

The years have passed by like sand through an hour glass, and we have enjoyed some really sweet Mother’s Day memories together, not to mention some magical Thanksgivings and Christmases. We’ve shared some awesome springs, summers, winters and falls. My scrapbook is full of handmade cards and notes and photos of special gifts received. I’ve captured all the major milestones of their lives in photographs. going on now in 25 scrapbooks of approaching 25 years of life together and those scrapbooks and memories line my bookshelves now.  I have many gifts, memories and experiences to cherish, and for that I am so thankful!

So, taking all of the above into consideration; whatever could seem bitter sweet?  It is quite unlogical and silly actually.  In the child custody case we experienced, the birth mother always got the children on Mother’s Day.  Is that not the silliest, most selfish statement I’ve ever worried about in my life?  I know it, yet it is true.  Talk to a million step-moms and you will get this same observation.    

We would all agree that this Mother’s Day cross to bear was just the right and good thing to do.  It was the healthy thing for everyone, and we all know it was the best thing for the kids and for their birth-mother too.  Yet, somehow on that day, as the Mom who was actually living in the trenches and raising them day in and day out; I often felt sad.  I often felt completely alone, because it always seemed as if no one else was even coming close to understanding how my heart protested the irony of that day from my own broken and personal perspective. 

It was a place that a husband and a Dad could not fully understand or share with compassion.  It was something that only another woman could relate to, and most of the other women in my life were not in such a place.  I had no sympathy from anyone on this day.  My parents didn’t feel sorry for me.  My friends didn’t even think of it; much less ponder how I must have been feeling.  It was just something between me and God, like a silent prayer all day long, like a little  cross of suffering.  I knew that God understood how I felt, because it had occurred to me, after all,  that He had been in such a place many times.  His children often went other places on the days he had set aside especially for them to come and celebrate life with Him.   But, I soon discovered that I couldn’t even use this analogy for comfort, because God was truly God, and I would never be the birth-mother, the one who received the honor and glory of this day.   So, I talked to God anyway, because I knew He understood suffering and pain.  I held on to whatever little tidbits of encouragement I could find from the scriptures on this day.    

Finally, one great day, I woke up and realized how selfish and foolish I was being.  I knew God had to change my heart and help me to realize that I truly had been given the greater blessing in having the opportunity to be with them every day of their lives.  Why should I resent this one public man-made day?   I had to learn, on this day above all others, to live out the meaning of that scripture that says “in all things give thanks.”  Finding this place was like being let out of prison. In my pitiful pondering one year, God reminded me that I should take my mind off my own silly selfish problems, and try to do something positive for a change.  Maybe there were others who needed a little love on this day.  It occurred to me that maybe I needed to spend a little more time, and put a lot more emphasis on the time I had left to spend with my own mother.  I also had a wonderful mother-in-law that I could show my thanks to.  That is when my heart opened up and truly began to enjoy Mother’s Day.  I had discovered, like most of the best things in life, it isn't about me!

When the kids left the house to spend a happy weekend with their Birth-Mom, instead of dwelling on the fact that they would be having fun with her all day, and imagining that they would be honoring her publicly, going to church with her and spending the hours with her; I would concentrate on making the most special occasion that I could design to honor my Mom and my Mother-In-Law.  So I put aside the idle hours of self pity and moved forward.  They both were delighted with the new-found extra attention, and I was freed from my own traps. 

Don’t get the wrong idea, I had always honored both of these wonderful women in the past, but I put a lot more “special” into this day after I reached this higher level of maturity.    It was a win-win situation for all of us.  I have some awesome memories of those days.  One day I took them both to a local tea-room and we enjoyed a lovely meal.  I bought them imported tea and a special cookbook from the gift shop there.  One time I took them to a spring concert in the park, where we were served a special boxed lunch with wine and cheese and were given a lovely outdoor concert. All the Moms received a rose.  Many times we had reservations for the newest upscale restaurants.  Once I took them to a restaurant that specialized in fondue meals, and they were given roses and had their photos taken.  Sometimes I made them special decorative baskets full of little books, framed family photos, candies, soaps, etc.  Sometimes I gave them flowers, sometimes I cooked them a special meal at my home.  
God arranged it that the last meal I shared with my mother-in-law was on one of these special Mother's Day outings.  She died unexpectedly a few weeks later.  I was so glad we had shared that very special day, and I will always remember her profound and sincere thank yous afterwards.  It comforts me on the days that I am missing her sweet and thoughtful presence in our lives.    My own Mom is now widowed; but thank God, she is still in good health and enjoying every day of her life.  She spent so much time being a caregiver for my Dad who suffered long with Parkinson's disease.   I realize more than ever how much it means to her to get out of the house and away for awhile to do something happy and uplifting.  I cherish all of the memories of these days gone by, and look forward to making the next memory with her in the coming days.

And you know what?  

As the kids got older and older and grew in understanding and love, they began to make my day very special too, in spite of the fact that they were always leaving and going away from home on that day.  

They often left sweet hand written cards on my pillow with words of thanks for what my presence in their lives had meant to them.  They always remembered to say “thanks for all the things you do that make our lives so much easier and so much more fun.”  Many times I would have breakfast cooked and on the table when I woke up on that morning, with special little designs in the food and fresh fruit or a vase of flowers left in an obvious place.   If they were away, the phone calls would always come.  They would often make a date to do something with “just me” on another day during the upcoming week, and we would always have a great time.  One of my fondest memories is going to a local festival with one daughter.  I also have great memories of middle of the work day lunches. 

Now that they are grown and living happy fulfilling lives of their own, I’m glad I taught them the true meaning of love and respect.  They all reflect it with their calls or visits or by giving in their own special way and saying “thanks for always being there for us.”  

I truly have come to believe that verse of scripture that people used to quote to me long ago…..”And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten,” (Joel 2:25).    I think the verse is true for their Birth-Mother too, especially because I did not express my sad feelings or protest their visits with her, but just let them love her without restraint.  Now we both know the joy of their love.  You know what….there IS enough to go around, because love never runs out, it just multiplies.

   

So, I hope you enjoy a blessed Mother’s Day, whatever your situation is in life! 

Take my best advice and go for the good in this day.  Don’t let the devil make you bitter or angry with his perversions.  Don’t listen to the lies of this world.  If you are a step-mother and can’t see your children today, put some emphasis on your own celebration with YOUR birth-mother.  If you are a birth-mother, but because of divorce, or distance, or whatever reason, and you will not be able to see your children on The Day, focus on your own mother too.  If your child has gone to heaven before you, look around and see if there is someone else out there who feels lonely on this day too.   If your mother has passed away, there are lots of very sweet ladies living in this crazy world with children that aren’t paying attention to them, or children that live too far away to be with them. Go find one of these ladies and celebrate the day with them.   

I attended a funeral just the other day that put me in a waiting line next to a total stranger, a sweet, smart, beautiful woman who told me that her daughter's career had taken her many states away, and she had no other family, as she had become a widow about four years ago.  I would never have guessed her loneliness, had we not been expressing our concern for my newly widowed friend we were waiting in line to greet.   Maybe you are single, and without children, and do not have a family to celebrate with.  Quite possibly, like me before God opened my eyes wider, you are wishing this day would just go away.  I would urge you to make the effort to get out of the house and just take a trip to a local nursing home on Mother’s Day.  Go into the cafeteria and sit down with those eating lunch.  Listen carefully and see if any of the women there have memories of their children that may not be with them anymore.  They may need someone just to listen to their Mother’s Day stories.  You might just be the one that makes this day happy instead of sad for them. Take a bunch of flowers with you.  Flowers are better spent on the living.  

There is a way to let all of the innocence and the happiness behind the good original intentions of this day come shinning through.  Find it!  Remember what Joseph told his brothers during the famine in Egypt, “What you meant for harm, God turned to good.”  That is a statement worth living out.  The whole world wins.