I am presently seeking publication for several novels I've written; here is a sample chapter from my novel called The Cupbearer's Dream:
EXERT FROM MY NOVEL TITLED “THE CUPBEARER’S DREAM”
FROM A CHAPTER CALLED “THE VALLEY GATE”
(Written by Sheila Gail Landgraf)
The Valley did not look so forlorn in the light of day. I brushed the sleep from my eyes and rose to follow Jesus again. He walked before me as if He had slept on a bed of roses in a mansion of glory. I marveled at the fact that this could have actually been the case had He chosen, but He was walking this valley again for my sake. I felt humbled beyond words.
Jesus was smiling a happy smile. I had to ask Him. “So what has you so happy after a cold dark night’s sleep in the valley?”
He laughed. I loved that sound!
“I was just mulling over how My Father was reminding you last night in your dreams of how each person working on the wall with you was a blessing .”
“You can even see into my dreams!” He smiled again.
“I guess it was good to take that summary again, after all was said and done. I can look back and see all the differences in talent, commitment and diversity that God blessed us with in the process we were going through while working on those walls.”
“He has a way of doing that!”
Somehow thinking of the blessings made the morning’s travel much easier. We walked in the sunlight and conversed all morning. Any conversation with Jesus was always amazing. I had not wanted to walk through this valley, but I was seeing how being forced to spend this time alone with Jesus was a truly fulfilling experience. No distractions, just me and My Master walking together through the rough roads of the valley. I was thankful for every word that we were able to share along the way. I was never bored.
All of a sudden a huge cloud blocked the sun. In less than a second buckets and buckets of water were falling down upon us from the sky. Lightening was flashing in huge striking streaks, and fierce winds were howling through the canyons. It happened so fast; like the twinkling of an eye. We had no time to prepare. I saw the water collecting on top of the rocky earth, pooling up and forming small little floods. I saw Jesus looking for higher ground to guide us to.
“Nehemiah, we must get to higher ground, these areas flood fast in a rain storm. We are walking through a big gully.”
“I can’t believe You, of all people, are worried and telling me this. God will save us. I’m not moving from this spot.”
“Faith is a good thing Nehemiah, but stubbornness is not.”
Jesus was wading quickly on and upward to a higher plain. I sat for a rest in the cool of the water and basked in my self-assurance, despite the words He had said to me. I could survive this, after all, wasn’t I Nehemiah TheGreat Wall Builder? Let the storm come. I would not move from this spot until I was ready to go. I just needed a little rest.
It was about that time the water came suddenly from around a rock, rushing into me, pounding against me, pulling me along into a current that I could not fight. I struggled against it with all of my might. It was too strong for me. I was grabbed and swept through the ravine. I was pulled under in a split second, even before I could take a breath. As I felt my lungs filling with the water of a furious Wadi storm, I realized my mistake much too late. I silently confessed my sin in my mind before I passed out. I hoped God heard me by reading my thoughts. Then the world went dark.
I awoke on dry ground with a fire burning beside me. It was twilight and Jesus was cooking something that smelled very good over the fire. I was lying on a soft blanket and my clothes were different and dry.
“You failed the first test” He said, without looking up from his cooking, “but you did confess it, and I have forgiven you; not to mention that I pulled you out of the flood.”
“Oh Lord, I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I fell for that old trap of the devil! I was relying on my own strength instead of listening toYou and following the age old advice of Our Father!”
“Pride is one of the greatest sins we battle Nehemiah The Great Wall Builder!” I blushed, deeply embarrassed at my own stupidity.
“Most of my servants have had to learn about pride the hard way – through experience instead of knowledge.”
My aching bones were certainly proof-positive of this statement. The sorrow of my spirit for not listening to my Lord and trusting my own way was also very painful. He always knew what was best for me, when would I ever learn this? I caught myself wondering if He had ever been tempted in some way. Surely being divine God sent from Heaven, He must have had a self-righteous moment or two? How had He fought the battle of pride?
“My enemy, Satan, tried to bring that out in me Nehemiah.”
He was reading my thoughts again. I blushed, feeling like I had accused Him out loud.
“I spent 40 days in the wilderness, much like you are spending in this valley, just Me and My Father, walking and talking. I was fasting and praying for His guidance. I too, had to be tested. It was for my own good. It was to develop my own strength. It was hard for Me too, but it was something that had to be done in order for my purpose to be fulfilled.”
“What happened?”
“It started a lot like your testing started. I was walking through the dry desert grounds, My Father had gone ahead in the distance leaving Me alone. I was physically tired and emotionally drained. I was hungry and thirsty. Of course, Satan was watching. He is always watching Nehemiah, just waiting on the opportune moment to catch a child of God in a moment of weakness. That is when He shows himself. He usually begins by twisting The Word. That is why you must study and memorize the scroll that contains The Word. The only way to recognize that the enemy is twisting the word for his own purposes is to know the word yourself. I used The Word like a sword to fight him when he tried to tempt me. By quoting the correct words from the Holy Scriptures back to him, I gave him no place to stand.”
“He knew I was hungry and He tempted me to command the stones to become bread. He knew I had the power to do this. He had witnessed me doing this many times before, but I was fasting in order to hear from My Father. He wanted to distract me from this focus. So he found where he thought I would be the weakest and he focused on that. I knew to keep my focus, and I gave him back the scriptures that say “Man shall not live on bread alone, but from every word that comes from the mouth of God.” These scriptures were the whole purpose for Me in that moment; to hear the word of My Father and to know His will for Me next. By focusing on the scriptures that I believed and had faith in, the enemy did not win that battle.”
“Wow, I’ll bet he left you alone after that happened!”
“Actually, Satan is pretty stubborn. He returned to me a second time. This time he wanted me to prove my power as The Son of God. He quoted the scripture again; don’t ever think that the enemy has not read the scriptures. He was once the great cherubim before My Father’s throne. He knows The Word. He just tries to twist the meaning. He wanted me to jump from the highest point of the temple and prove that I was The Son of God by letting the angels save Me. Of course, he really thought he would trick me into jumping to my premature death. I had no doubt that the angels would save me, but My Father is the one who tests, and I am not the tester. My role and purpose at this time was to be the servant. The servant does not test the Master. I gave Satan back some scripture to chew on: “Thou shalt not put The Lord Your God to the test.”
“Yes Lord! And the victory must have seemed sweet to You; and Satan must have gone off to hide in shame!”
“Like I said, he is a very stubborn and determined being. He returned to Me a third time with yet another temptation, which you should find very interesting. “
“Why? What did he tempt you with the next time?”
“Pride. He took me up to a high mountain again and he showed me all the kingdoms of the world. He said I could have them all if I would just bow down and worship him.”
“That liar!”
“Yes, you are right. He did not own the kingdoms of the world, My Father owned them, and I was already the rightful heir, but just the same, even if he had owned them; I would not have been tempted. My place was to do my Father’s will. All the kingdoms of the world would not have benefited me if I had not obeyed My Father. I would have simply been following my own self righteous ways instead of His.”
I knew this false pride. It was very fresh on my mind, and my back and my aching bones. Had Jesus not stepped in and saved me from my own foolish pride, I would not be here with Him, having this conversation.
“Lord, I’m so sorry. I was wrong to trust in my own ways and my own strength. I will not make that mistake again.”
“I know your true heart wants to do better Nehemiah, and I have forgiven you.”
Once again we shared a wonderful meal, and then we got up to begin another journey. My heart felt fresh and humble and full of renewed energy and enthusiasm. Perhaps my troubles were over!
The water that washed through the area and flooded the valley left as quickly as it came. It was strange how it just seemed to seep down into the rocky ground. The sun came out and dried the way quickly. We were once again dragging our tired feet through dusty roads and for the most part, we were the only sojourners on the highway.
It was surprising to notice the figure of a young woman dressed in purple and red cloth strolling down the road, pushing a cart and singing a song. She had such an enchanting voice! The words of her song fell soothingly on my ears even before I saw her comely figure drawing nearer and nearer to where we would pass her on the road.
“Good day to you gentlemen! Would you like to gaze upon the gems I’m pushing in this wagon to sell in the village?”
Jesus was strangely quiet. I took that as acceptance and smiled back at the lovely young lady. “Why yes, what treasures do you have for sell?”
She smiled sweetly up at me, meeting my eyes with a full wide stare, something that I was not accustomed to from the women of my day. I thought things just must be done differently here in this valley, and I gazed into the cart she was pushing to see what wares she had to sell.
She dramatically pulled back a cloth that covered a cart full of gems. I gasped at the brilliance of the many fine jewels that lay in a cloth lining around the bottom of the cart. The sunlight glistened through them, and they sparkled up at me. They were the most precious, beautiful, delightful gems my eyes had ever seen, even more beautiful than what I had seen in the crown on Queen Esther’s head as she sat on the throne with her son, The King of Persia.
“Wow – they are dazzlingly beautiful!”
“Yes, they are! Some lucky person will soon become the owner of these precious jewels. They have to be sold. My Father has become ill, and my Mother has died. They belonged to her, but she has no need of them now. I would dearly love to keep them, but I must sell them to buy food and drink for my family and to obtain a doctor for my father’s illness. I only need the right person to give me a fair offer. I will not be stingy. I am in desperate need of money as we have always been very poor, except for these precious items that we have held on to for far too long.”
The jewels sparkled up at me. I reached in my pocket absentmindedly counting and jiggling the coins that I had put back for my provisions along the way. I could offer her a price, and if she took it I could double my money from such a fine investment in the market place where the silversmiths worked making very fine jewelry. She would be satisfied, and I would be much better off. I had not needed money so far, but I was sure we could use a little help with lodging when we got to where we were going. Somehow Jesus had been feeding us from the spoils of the land, but how much longer would we be that lucky? Sooner or later we would need money and this opportunity was right in front of me, so easy to grasp.
I knew the diamonds alone would bring double the coins in my pockets, not to mention the emeralds and rubies and sapphires that now gleamed from the open cart. I took the coins that I had and held them out to her. “Would these be a fair price my lady?”
“Ah….that is truly more money than I’ve ever had, but do you not have a little more?”
I knew she would be one to bargain, and I brought out the coin I had hidden before I made my offer.
She smiled at me that same way again, most charming and disarming, and she reached out and took every coin I had. I blinked and she was gone, leaving a cart full of jewels at my feet. I wondered how she disappeared so swiftly, but my good fortune was now in my own hands.
I smiled at Jesus who had stood beside me not saying a word.
“Quite a trade, huh?”
He once again was very silent.
“We need to be moving on.”
He headed back for the pathway, and I picked up the handles of the cart and began to push. It was amazingly heavy, and I had not thought of how this heavy cart full of jewels would slow me down and make my journey harder, but I knew it would be worth all the trouble in the end. I mustered up my strength and pushed on. Jesus was making much better time, but He would stop and gaze back at me patiently and wait up when I fell behind. Even as He walked ahead of me, I tried to speak loudly and make conversation. I did not want the cart full of treasures to keep us from our talks.
“Poor girl, I hope she is able to help her father! She seemed like such a nice person and so lovely to gaze upon too.”
“A person’s beauty is found on the inside, not the outside Nehemiah. I fear what was left of her heart was not so beautiful as her outward appearance.”
“Really! I’m surprised. Surely she had a kind spirit in wanting to give up all of these precious stones, more beautiful than any I’ve ever seen, and I have seen a few, for the sake of her starving family.”
Jesus said no more. He wasn’t interested in talking about the young lady. He was focused and intent on crossing the valley.
“Soon we will come to the field of fires. You will need to trust me completely in order to cross safely.”
“Fires?”
“Yes, you will see.”
I looked at the wooden cart that I was pushing. I knew the diamonds could survive fire and still be okay, but I wasn’t sure about the other jewels. I would just have to find a way around these fields of fire. I was sure I could find another way in order to protect the investment I had made for our future welfare.
Finally we stopped for a rest under a scruffy shade tree. I uncovered the cart and gazed down at my treasures, picking up the stones in my hands and letting them fall through my fingers, liking the way they glittered in the sun. I sorted the diamonds out, thinking they would be the most valuable. I put them into a napkin and wrapped them separately.
Jesus sat quietly by my side, just watching, never saying a word. I sensed that He was deliberately not talking to me and I wondered why. I guess He could read my mind and we had reached a state of not having to talk out loud. I stopped pondering this and turned back to sorting through the jewels in my cart. It seemed that this treasure was all I could think about now. I would be glad when we got out of the valley and I could sell them at the market and pocket enough cash to not have to worry about anything on my future journeys. I covered the top of the cart carefully as we rose and headed back down the road.
It wasn’t long before we came to a place that looked like an ash heap. Everything was charred, burnt, melted down into nothing but ashes. The land was empty and dry. The air was heavy. The way was dusty and dirty. Some places in the ground still seemed to be smoldering from fires.
“Be careful here,” Jesus said.
“What is this place?”
“It is the old altar ground where men took their own children, put them up on polls, lit a torch and burned them as an offering to a pagan god.”
I could almost hear the cries of innocent children rising out of the ashes. I was suddenly terrified. My cart seemed like a much greater burden to push through this area, and I didn’t understand when we came to the smoky areas why some of the fires still seemed fresh.
“You do not want to understand all there is to know about these fires right now, Nehemiah. Suffice it to say that I have found the children who were offered here, and they are loved and cared for by my Father now.”
I sensed a reverence in His voice that told me to observe in silence, and not to be too hasty in crossing through here. I also sensed that many of the fires were still hot and would quickly burn or melt anyone or anything that came near them. I looked sadly at my cart full of jewels. I carefully picked up the jewels and wrapped them well in the blanket so they would not drop and put them deep into my pockets. I lifted the cart up on my back and flung it over my shoulders. It was heavy and very hard to carry. I was very slow and my back ached as we moved carefully through this area, dodging the fires, going the long way around in many places. By the time we reached a clearing my back was killing me. In severe pain I lowered the cart to the ground once more. I took out the jewels from my pocket and placed them inside the cart again. The pain in my side and lower back did not go away. It was going to be something I had to endure for awhile. I had been through a lot to keep these jewels, much more than I had originally anticipated.
I had to ask Jesus to stop for awhile. I very much needed to rest. We sat down under the shade of an old tree and drank some water. As we were resting, I pulled the cart next to me, unfolded the cover and recounted the jewels. I knew how many diamonds, sapphires, rubies, emeralds and pearls I had. I loved looking at them. I always marveled at the way they captured the light.
Jesus was watching me hold them in my hands and moveing them back and forth to admire the quality, color and shine that I saw.
“Nehemiah, you know, many things in this life can be very deceptive.”
I stopped watching the glittering jewels dancing in the sunlight and glanced up at Jesus as He made this comment.
“What do you mean, Lord?”
“I think you will see soon enough. Let’s get started on our journey again.”
We were in the flat of the valley now. I rolled the cart a little easier, but it still seemed very heavy. Sometimes I hit bumps and ruts in the dirt and the jewels would bounce around. I was being very careful not to let them fall out of the cart. It was a hard job. It was hard enough just walking on this long, hot dangerous journey. The jewels I had in my possession now made it even harder. I trudged on through, following Jesus, who was able to maneuver better and more swiftly than I could. He was getting harder and harder to keep up with. I tried hard not to lose Him, as I did not know the way without Him, but He seemed to have no thought for the heavy burden that I was carting along with us.
“Lord, will you please slow down a bit?” I asked timidly.
“Why?”
“You know why. My cart is hard to carry through this rough terrain.”
“I did not tell you to purchase that cart, Nehemiah. It isn’t my problem. I need to get where we are going, and I can’t slow down for an unnecessary cart.”
I pondered the true, but stinging words.
“But Lord, this cart was a good investment. When we get to the city, I can sell it and we will not want for food ever again!”
“Has your food not always been provided for you? Have you lacked for anything in the past?”
He had a point. God had provided everything we needed every step of the way. But I clung to the fact that I had made a good investment and we would live luxuriously when this was over. I thought to myself – He will see when that happens. I tugged at the cart and kept on walking, trying to keep up with the fast pace, but the thoughts He was putting in my head frustrated me. Finally I decided to break the silence.
“Okay – just tell me – what is it about these jewels that bothers You?”
There – I had said it – the elephant was out of the closet and we could have this discussion. I DID want to follow Him, His way, but I just wasn’t very clear on His feelings right now.
He smiled at me. It seemed forever before He answered.
“Did you like the way the sunlight glittered on the jewels as you looked at them earlier?”
Why did He do that? I noticed that He never answered me directly, but always answered me with another question. Why did He do that?
“Yes, I did like that sunlight glittering on the jewels. It made them look quite beautiful.”
“My Father is The Light of The World.”
I wasn’t sure where this conversation was going. What did one thing have to do with the other? I walked along in silence, grasping for thoughts on how to respond.
“Sometimes when we are walking through life, only the next step is illuminated. My Father gives us just the light we need for our next step and just in the moment that we need it. When the path is not fully lighted, you can only see one step ahead. We walk in surrender to faith, even though we are unable to see the future, and we can’t completely comprehend the past. We walk in the path of the light that we have been given. It is The Father that gives us the light that we have. We must reject the fear and doubt that threatens to overtake our journey. We must be content right where we are each moment. We must allow God to get us where we need to go. Nehemiah, you must trust that the light He sheds on your path is always sufficient. Dayenu ! It is enough!”
Wow, I was beginning to understand. He had used that old Hebrew word that we recite every year at Passover, “dayenu.” It meant that we should be satisfied with the place that God put us in this life, that we should be thankful in all circumstances, just to know that God is God. Now I was getting the whole picture.
“Lord, do you mean that I should not have worried about investing in the jewels and selling them later to obtain gain so that we could always eat and have plenty? Should I have trusted God for all we needed instead of striking out on my own and investing in the jewels?”
“Well part of that is correct. That part about trusting God is correct. It is not that investments are not good, Nehemiah. Sometimes investments are wise. It is acting on your own, without consulting God before you make the investment that could get you into trouble. He is the only One you can trust to show you the true light of your very own unique path.”
“Hmmmm…..”
“Did you fear that we would not have food Nehemiah? Is that truly what made you buy those jewels?”
I knew the truth. It wasn’t the fear that we would not have food. It was my own greed, the desire to make a profit. I had enough money in my pockets when I bought the jewels to feed us for the rest of the way. I had not even needed it so far, Jesus has provided all the food all the way. I wanted my own personal gain. I had to admit it. I looked down ashamed, and I saw that He knew. He knew my shame. He always did. I felt really bad too. I was remembering how I had fed all those homeless Israelites who came to work on the wall, but had no place to stay or eat. God had provided. I was remembering how back in the days that I was supervising the rebuilding of the walls and gates how I took nothing for myself, and had even used my own money for helping others who were working. I hoped God remembered those things too. I had temporarily forgotten. Those things made me feel good about myself; but even I, the unselfish one in the past, had now been tempted by greed and want of gain. It had snuck up on me without any realization of what I was getting into. Who would have ever thought this would happen to me? I thought of the enemy of God sleeping in the temple in the bed of the priests. My heart sank. I, myself, was as much a sinner. I can’t tell you how sad this made my soul. I guess nothing is beyond any man if he is tempted in the right way at the right time, unless he has the good sense to remember The Lord and turn to Him for advice on how to proceed. I determined to do better in the future.
“Up until you bought those jewels, it seemed that we were content and happy on this little journey, in spite of the dangers and the long way.”
Once again, I knew He was right. It was after I bought the jewels and had to push the heavy cart that things became a struggle. It had become much harder after I had made the decision to take matters into my own hands, without consulting Him, or The Father.
I looked at my hands on the cart. They seemed bound to it now. I had made this investment and now I was tied to carrying through with it. I had new responsibilities I had not anticipated or planned for. I had to go on down the road with this heavy cart, pushing it ahead of me, feeling ever more tired of the struggle. I had bound myself to all of this trouble. I was waking up to the fact that I had made my own way instead of letting God show me how to go. I remembered reading in the scroll about God’s friend David. He said in one of the Psalms: “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD; and he delights in his way.” I thought of how delighted I had been before I bought the jewels and how I felt now. The difference was in following my own way and in not following God’s way. I wished I could turn back the time, but the deed was done.
I sadly trudged onward. David had so often spoken of The Good Shepherd. I had been walking the path with Him, but had not asked Him for help. He had gently taken His rod and staff in the form of words and conversations and prodded my conscience. Now, I had seen the light, but I had to decide how to proceed from here.
I bowed my head right there in the road. I knew from here on out I needed to seek God’s will. I quietly asked Him to forgive me. I asked Him to guide me out of this quick-sand that I had fallen into. I finally put my own understanding aside and trusted in God to show me the way. I pleaded with God for help in making good choices from now on, and I gave all control over to Him for the remainder of this journey through the valley.
I walked along slowly now, pushing the heavy cart, listening, waiting to hear His voice to know what to do next.
I looked up to see a caravan coming our way. How odd, to meet a whole caravan of people traveling down this lonely road. The gentleman in the front seemed to be the wealthy owner of all the goods that followed on the backs of the camels behind him. His men guided the camels with expertise and discernment. I hoped he might be a man of great means who possibly might want to purchase my jewels. Perhaps God was already showing me favor! I smiled at him and waved for him to stop and speak with me.
“Welcome, stranger, I wish you and your people a safe journey through the land.”
“Thank you my friend, and may your journey also be blessed.”
“Sir, I see you may be a man of great wealth, and perhaps you might be in need of some very precious stones, such as these that I have for sale today.”
The man showed an interest, and I pulled the cloth back that covered the jewels in the cart. They glistened in the sunlight, and the man got down from his beast and came closer to examine my treasures.
“Where did you get these jewels my friend?”
“I bought them from a woman we met on the road earlier. She needed money to take to her sick father.”
“Did she give you a certificate of authenticity?”
“Well…no..no, she didn’t have one of those, but they are pretty! See how they glisten in the sun?”
He reached out to pick up one of the diamonds and turned it upside down.
“Bring me the map” he said to his servant. The servant quickly placed the map in his hands, and he held it under the diamond. It was easy to read. He could see every dot and every word and color on the map. He looked up at me and shook his head.
“My friend, these are not of good quality. They are cut wrong, or else, I would not be able to read through these diamonds. They will not catch the light as well as one of good quality. He held the one I had handed to him against the one on his finger. The brilliance of the shine on his diamond put mine to shame. It was the real deal. Mine was not. My heart sank. I was astonished and hoped that he did not become angry with me for trying to sell him my poor investment.
I think he could read the surprise in my face. I hoped he knew I was an honest man. He took the diamond again and held it in my direction. “Do you see the doubling effect?” I looked closely. I did see that facets were looking double instead of single as he held them up. “This means it is only a good quality gemstone – not a diamond.”
My eyes must have widened.
“I am sorry my friend, but you have been sold false merchandise. I hope you did not pay too much for them.”
Just all the money I had for the journey. I did not say that part out loud. I saw the look of pity he was giving me.
“Well, maybe some of the other jewels are okay” he said, hopefully.
He shuffled through the pile and picked up what looked like a ruby. I hoped it was real. He held it up to the light, checking out the color quality, the cut, the size and shape. He looked at his servant as he made comments.
“Soft facets….tiny bubbles, see those little scratches?”
The servant nodded. They both had a knowing look that was exchanged. He handed it back to me.
“Sorry my friend, I don’t think I’ll be interested in these glass imitation rubies that you are carting through the valley.”
My hopes fell.
He glanced at the pile of jewels again. An expression crossed his face, as if he had an idea.
“I know you might not want to make such a trade, but I do have a young daughter that is much too young to appreciate the value of real jewelry. I like to have her trinkets made up for her dress up games. I always use cheap jewels, so if she loses them it is no loss to me. I could buy them for this purpose. Would you like to sell them for that reason? Of course, the price would not be very much.”
I pondered the fact that any money would be better than the NO money I now had inside my pockets.
“Make me an offer.”
It wasn’t long before the rich merchant went on down the road smiling happy with a gift for his little daughter, and I was left standing with a small amount of pocket change and an empty wooden cart. At least he could probably teach his daughter a valuable lesson on what is real and what is not, and she might not have to learn this lesson the hard way as I had done.
“Well, we will make better time now, since your cart will be a bit lighter.” Jesus offered this comment in hopes of cheering me up.
Suddenly something rose up inside of me and I began to laugh. I laughed and laughed, and Jesus joined me in the most hilarious laughter we had ever shared. We must have laughed for an hour, until our sides hurt and tears rolled out of our eyes. Every time we stopped we started laughing again. All at once I felt lighter, so very free, and much, much wiser.
So all was not lost as we trudged through the flat part of the valley and made our way up to the Mountain of God. How good that mountain looked off in the distance. We were much closer now, and I could hardly wait to arrive.
“Nehemiah, we must go through one more gate in this valley before we will begin to climb up to The Mountain of God.”
“Why would we go through another gate in this valley, Lord? Haven’t we been through enough trials and temptations yet?”
“You have experienced much Nehemiah, but it is at this next gate, The Dung Gate, where you will learn to let go of those burdens and let me remove them from your life forever.”
“Oh.” I thought of how I had let go of the jewels that were not real, and now I had only an empty cart to show for them.
“The cart needs to go too Nehemiah. You must move on. When the time comes you must be able leave it, to let it go, and to forget about it forever. You have walked a long way pushing a heavy cart with worthless contents. I can show you where to leave that cart. Come with me, we must walk through the Dung Gate together.”
He was taking me to a place just outside the city that looked vaguely familiar. Suddenly I realized we were walking right through The Valley of Hinnom. I knew what went on here. It was where the residue from the Temple was burned. Suddenly I remembered Jesus telling me we would walk through some fires. So that was what He meant. We had already walked through some fires, but now they became closer and larger.
Some of these gates just weren’t any fun. I had thought when we got to the edge of the valley things might get a little easier. Nope! I could tell the Dung Gate was going to be another one of those less than wonderful places. I knew I must keep following Jesus, no matter where He led me; so I kept walking.
Now I think I felt humbler than I had ever felt in my whole life. This valley floor was not the place for pride. All kinds of shameful thoughts entered my mind here. My memory was so much keener here and I didn’t like some of the things I was recalling. The closer we got to the Dung Gate, the more I remembered the awful sins of my past life. Most of them I had long forgotten. Most of them I had stuffed away and never spoken to anyone about, not even my Heavenly Father, not even Jesus. But it was obvious that I still remembered them, even after all of this time, even after receiving salvation and being forgiven. For some reason I had not forgotten them.
