PEN ART - LEAVING

(I wrote this poem several years back when I thought we were going to have to sell our home.  Fortunately, by yet another miracle of God in my life, things got better and it did not happen; but God did let me capture the moment and the truth of the whole emotional experience here in words.)

LEAVING

(Writing and photography by:  Sheila Gail Landgraf)

"I'm leaving,"
I speak to a house than cannot even speak back to me.
Somewhere deep in my heart I imagine hearing answering words,
Could it just be my imagination?
"I have served you and loved you for so long!"
"Yes."
It is all that I can answer back, for no mere words are sufficient.
Fourteen years I have laid my head on your pillows,
Watched how the sunlight slanted from your windows,
Sought my refuge here at the end of the day,
Saw the rainbows that formed from the sunlight on the kitchen walls around seven a.m. each morning.
I fed my family in your rooms,
Heard the sound of children's laughter from your halls,
Warmed myself in front of your fires,
Baked cookies after school and helped kids with homework here,
Prayed with only you for company.
I cleaned you,
Painted you,
Dressed you up in new clothes.
I kept renewing you as you grew older.
But alas, you cannot do the same for me;
You are just a house,
With walls that cannot speak.
You do not have a soul,
Or do you?
You are helpless to help me,
But I sense your compassion as I softly take the last deep breath before I leave you.
You must know my breaking heart,
And you must feel the pain I feel from leaving you behind.
The place that I have always known as home
Has been abruptly ripped away from me.
I'm so sorry that I could not save you this time,
Like so many times before.
There was nothing I could do.
I shall not return except in the dreams of night,
And through memories that will be sure to fade over time,
No matter how hard I hold on to them.
I thought I would grow old here,
But it isn't to be.
May your new faces love you as much as I have.
May I somehow find your peace and joy in the next place,
Where ever they let me go.
Finally the words come that I've been searching for;
Just two little words,
"Thank you."
Then four more,
"I will miss you."
I gently close the door on fourteen happy years and walk away.
The azaleas on the stoop wave goodbye.
The redbird in the front yard plumb tree chirps his farewell.
The fig tree stands silent and green as I leave my heart in a trail of little pieces down the road.