PEN ART - EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT

A Morning Poem by Sheila Gail Landgraf

This morning I cried.

I cried about everything,

Everything  I’m losing and 

Everything I’m gaining

As I continue on with the day-to-day of life.

I thought about every minute ticking by,

And every moment that has not yet arrived.

About the power of existing in and with each moment.

I am not totally happy, I am not totally sad,

I just am.

It is good some days just to be.

Always learning, always changing, always growing,

Always discovering new miracles.

I’m just alive in a constantly changing world,

And this morning the thought of the miracle of life amidst it all grabbed me unexpectedly.

As I watched the sun peak the sky 

Life  formed a knot in my throat,

and I cried.

I cried mostly  because of how it all comes together,

piece by amazing wonderful piece

like an artist brushing on stroke on top of surprising stroke

then finishing with His signature.

Every lifetime exactly as it should be,

Original, unique and oh so beautiful.

I am thankful for life and all the unannounced arrivals of life.

My moments are my moments and my minutes are my minutes,

None of them can be wasted!

I pull them closer to my heart

As I hear time ticking on and I sense the things that really matter.

They all mesh together with this unending love 

That extends itself through past, present and all the tomorrows.

For a few minutes in the early morning light my heart was wide awake and fully grasping

The total wonder of life,

Of blessings and constant surprises.

Suddenly I found it so overwhelming.

So; this morning I cried.

But please don’t worry about me,

I felt God hug me very tight.

I know; He said.

Everything will be alright.

Keep moving!

PEN ART - CLEANING UP AFTER EPIPHANY

An Epiphany Poem 

(Written by Sheila Gail Landgraf)

 Pick up the tinsel and put it away, 

Epiphany has ended, and this is clean up day.

The ornaments must all go back into their cases.  

The wise men have arrived and left without traces.

So gather up the ribbons, the boxes, the bows, 

Oh dear;whatever will we do with all of those?

The cookies are all eaten, the candy is gone.  

The candles have all been burned, 

And we’ve sang the last song. 

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day passed by

 just as quick as a wink!  

Now it is several days later and the tree lights still blink!

The star on the top really made us all think.

But Joseph, Mary and Jesus have now journeyed on,

The babe is now a child 

And the wise men have gone.

And the Santas, the elves, and the dark red sleigh, must go back into storage for another day.

Throw out those leftovers; surely they spoil by now.

Move Frosty from the lawn, and gather the wreaths and pack them away some how.

Use boxes and boxes and packing and tape,

And pack and pack.

It is getting so late!

But another Epiphany will happen for sure: 

When the boxes run out, and the bubble wrap too,

The surprise after all the surprises,

That happens each year all anew - 

Is the fact that Christmas won’t fit in a box is so true!!!!!!

PEN ART - BENEATH THE TEREBINTH TREE

A short story written by Sheila Gail Landgraf:

He was born laughing.  It is said that his parents laughed when they conceived him.  Even his beautiful mother had to ask God's forgiveness about her laughter over him, but he never thought any of the laughter was wrong.  He loved the laughter! 

It was the meaning of his name - laughter.  He felt the laughter did not happen often enough, and life for Isaac was sometimes very serious and very hard, so when the laughter came it was always timely and welcomed.  It was always good to him, and it was as refreshing as cool water in the desert.  

He constantly longed for more of the laughter.  He sought after it and he was always looking for ways to make it happen again. This was easy with his mother; not quite so easy with his father.  He had learned there was a proper time to bring it forth, and a proper time to let it alone.  This was a day to keep silent.  It was not a day for laughter.

There was no laughter in his father's voice as he told him to gather the wood they would be taking on their journey.  Isaac obediently gathered the wood into his bag.  This wood  was for the sacrifice they would be taking with them when they left tomorrow.  Abraham had insisted on cutting all of the wood himself.  He cut it from some of the branches of the terebinth tree he had planted right outside his tent many, many years ago.  This tree had grown large, strong and tall and had spread its branches in such a way that it shaded Abraham as he gazed upon it from the door of his tent.

Abraham had lived many happy days under the generous shade of this huge old twisted tree.   It had been under the shade of this tree that the three men of God had visited Abraham and Sarah nine months before Isaac's birth.  Abraham had often told Isaac the story.  God had promised Abraham a nation would be his heritage, but Abraham and Sarah had grown old without a child between them.

On that same day of the visit, when Sarah's laughter came at the announcement of Isaac's birth, the same Three Men of God had been on their way to Sodom to destroy the whole town because every single person living there was wicked.  Angels had reported this to Heaven and the prayers of the nearby town's people had risen up to the ears of The Lord over and over again.   Abraham pleaded with God to spare any godly men from the destruction of Sodom; and Isaac's cousin Lot and his family had been spared, except for Lot's wife; who had turned back to remember the carnal things of that city just one last time.

When she turned to look back she instantly became a pillar of salt.  Isaac had been shown the place where she had been changed.  The story had always horrified him, and he shuttered each time he thought of it.  But it had happened the day that God Himself, in the form of  three men, stopped in to visit with Abraham under the tree on His way to this mission.  They all sat together and shared a meal under the very branches of the terebinth tree that Abraham was now using for firewood.

Funny how things happened sometimes, Isaac thought to himself as he gathered the wood.  On their way to put an end to something evil, they had stopped to proclaim something good.  They told Abraham that Isaac would soon be born.  Sarah had heard from inside the tent and that was when she laughed.  Isaac had heard the story over and over again as he grew up.  He didn't mind though.  He always loved hearing it.  He often thought of this story and smiled, even now that he had grown into a man 37 years of age.

Isaac marveled at his father's actions in cutting the branches of the sacred tree.  He did not fully understand, but he had learned to wait for understanding.  Abraham had taught Isaac this virtue long before he grew into a man.  In time Abraham would share his heart with Isaac, and Isaac knew Abraham only did what God instructed him to do.  So Isaac did not ask why.  If God told Abraham to use the branches of the terebinth tree, Abraham would be obedient.  This Isaac was sure of.  Abraham was always obedient, at all costs, and so was Isaac.  This trait also had been instilled in Isaac's character from the first day of his birth.  Isaac knew he was a promise fulfilled, and he must stay true to God because of this blessing.

Abraham had been careful to carry out the covenant promise of circumcision when Isaac was only eight days old.  Everything about Isaac's upbringing had been carefully planned and well thought out by his parents.  So careful even that his mother had insisted he not be allowed to play with his older brother Ishmael when the two were growing up together.  It seemed that Ishmael liked to taunt Isaac, even when he was just a toddler, perhaps their mutual jealousy had started way back then.  This had certainly continued on - and Isaac had seen Ishmael only in short visits with Abraham since that day that Sarah got upset with Ishmael.  Ishmael was thirteen and Abraham had given him a bow and arrow.  He was quite good with it and very precise when he shot.  He had begun a game of shooting his arrows to land just inches away from Isaac as he lay in his crib.  This had happened more than once and it horrified Sarah.    She had insisted that Abraham send Hagar and Ishmael away.  It was a long time after that before Isaac was allowed to visit with Abraham when he took supplies to Hagar and Ishmael.

Isaac remembered one visit with his half-brother when he had just grown to be  a teenager. Ishmael had taunted him again over the issue of circumcision which made them both a part of the covenant with God and Abraham. This was the very covenant that kept Abraham from severing ties completely with Hagar and Ishmael.  The adults were off tending to some other business and the two boys, Isaac a young teen and Ishmael a young man, were sitting around the fire talking. The usual happened; they began to compare themselves as the future heirs to Abraham's covenant with God.  

Ishmael had proclaimed he was most loved since he was circumcised when he was thirteen and Isaac was circumcised as a baby.  Ishmael had noted that Isaac could not refuse as he was only a helpless infant, yet he, Ishmael had made a brave conscious decision to perform the covenant act and had done it in a time of life that was much more painful; so he reasoned that his sacrifice to God was greater and more deliberate than Isaac's.  

Isaac had calmly looked at his half-brother and replied if God desired of him to be slaughtered he would not refuse even to offer up his whole life as a sacrifice.  This was a common practice for the pagans in Ishmael's hometown.  Isaac could still remember the sneer on his half-brother's face upon hearing these words.  Isaac knew Ishmael would never make such a statement, because he would not be brave enough to carry through with it.  Isaac's heart and intent were true.  He truly would lay down his life if God should demand such a thing from him.  From time to time those words haunted Isaac in his dreams.

As Isaac gathered up the wood he continued thinking of the interesting traits of  the terebinth tree.  The tree was a very strong and sturdy oak.  It had deep, deep roots.  It had remained green through all of the droughts of the land.  That tree had provided shade for many a sojourner. It was a resilient tree.  If one of these trees should die or be cut down, it was known that the stump that was left would sprout up and grow new life again.

The tree was so large  that it could be seen from a distance for miles and miles.  It had become a landmark; a way that Abraham had of telling people how to locate his tents.  He had used the tree to mark this place of his home after so many years of wondering.  It was very close to the cave where he had reverently and thoughtfully decided would be the future burial plot for his family.  He was glad the cave was so close to the tree that he had grown to love and admire.  

It had actually been Sarah's idea, to buy the caves at Machpelah.   She had purchased them herself with some of the money that came from her own dowry, explaining to Abraham that she felt sure she had found the very site where Adam and Eve had been buried by God.  Abraham had patiently listened to his wife when she spoke of this.  Other husbands might have ignored this far fetched tale from a wife, but Abraham knew that some times Sarah just knew things.  It defied all logic, but always proved out.  Over the years he too came to believe this story was true. 

 Just as a double check, Abraham had asked God to confirm this fact to him as well as Sarah.  On the day that the Three Men of God came calling Abraham had ran out to kill the fatted calf for their dinner.  The calf had gotten away  and ran from him and Abraham chased the calf through the land.  The chase led him right up to the caves where Abraham beheld Adam and Eve's burial sites with his very own eyes.  He instantly knew God had shown it to him too, and after that he knew the cave was a very sacred place.

When Sarah had first expressed her desire to be buried in this spot beside him one day, he remembered looking at his charming wife and noting that she was the most beautiful woman in all the land.  He had taken in her innocence, her ability to make the world feel right and perfect and her deep wisdom.  The thought of her not being alive was very painful to him.  He had realized long ago that she was blessed with the gift of prophecy and this incident with the cave was yet another proof of it.  He had seen how the glory of God surrounded the tent where she prepared their meals each day.  Her dough never ran out.  She hospitably gave portions of it away to people as blessings as they came and went through the home of Abraham and enjoyed many meals prepared by Sarah.  

Abraham had seen how the lamps lit during Sarah's prayers lasted from Sabbath to Sabbath, never going out during the week, providing light for their home day after day after day.  How was it that God had blessed him with such a wife?  He always marveled at it, even now, in their old age.  He had completely agreed that he and Sarah were to be laid to rest together in the cave near the Terebinth tree of their tent where God had finally established them a permanent home together.  

Isaac did not yet understand how significant the cave was, but he did understand the importance of the tree.  This strong tree stood for everything that God had promised to Abraham. It was an ever present reminder.   The roots were deep and old.  The branches were fruitful and many.  The leaves were full of life.  Abraham had often told Isaac that the tree was sacred.  Yet, just yesterday Abraham had raised his ax to some of the branches of this tree for firewood.  He had chosen it deliberately to provide the fuel for their sacrifice.  He had chosen something of the best from this place of blessings from God and taken something from it to give back to God.  Isaac understood that much of his father's thinking as he carefully filled his bag with the wood and then moved on to help load the donkey.

Abraham had carried a branch of this tree to the land where Ishmael lived and he had planted it beside the well where Hagar worked.  Ishmael had brought some of the wood from that tree too and he began to mix it with the wood that Isaac was hauling.  "Stop!" Isaac almost panicked as he saw what he was doing, but Abraham had come and stood between the two men and allowed the wood to be mixed together.  Isaac was amazed at this, but he said nothing.

Abraham carefully gathered up the fire-pots and the knife for slaughtering the sacrifice.  Eliazer and Ishmael  helped with the food supplies.  They gathered all the necessities they would need to sustain them on the long six day journey.  Hagar had come with Ishmael as he had not wanted her to be alone in his absence.  She had reluctantly submitted to this, hating every minute that she would be stuck in the tent with her former mistress, Sarah while they were away.  

Isaac wished just he and Abraham were going alone.  He did not get along well with his older half-brother, and he knew his mother would not be pleased to be spending the time away with this former slave women.  Ishmael had often reminded Isaac that his mother had been a princes of Pharoah before she had volunteered to be his mother's handmaiden.  Isaac wished she had not been so hasty.  Former princess or not, she always brought trouble to the camp.  When Abraham and Sarah had sent Hagar and Ishmael away when Ishmael was thirteen a miracle had happened.  They had found a pure well in the dessert and had established their home there.  Hagar had provided for them by selling the pure refreshing spring water to people passing through the land.  They had been quite prosperous from this.  Hagar had no need for Sarah's pity now.  She no longer was a slave and she made quite a good living for herself.  Ishmael managed her wealth for her.  She would be there only for a quick visit and then she would be heading  right back to their home again.  She longed to be going with Ishmael and Abraham instead of staying behind while they journeyed off together. 

 Both mothers gazed longingly at their sons as they prepared to leave them behind.

Both boys had grown up constantly seeking Abraham's full undivided attention.  One was always trying to please him above the other, in hunting, in fishing, in building, in growing crops.  Their lives had been one long competition for Abraham's affection.  Now they were both grown men and this situation had not changed.  It never went away.  Perhaps this very competitive spirit had been handed down from their mothers.  Each of these women were also constantly seeking Abraham's undivided attention.  The women did not have room for one another and they despised each other, so much so that Sarah had convinced Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael away, but Abraham had maintained a long distance relationship with them off and on and had always looked after them in spite of the fact that God had made it clear to him that Isaac was the son of promise.

This was something that Sarah had learned to bear quietly in her heart.  Sarah was smart enough to understand that anger and jealousy did not make a woman beautiful or cherished.  Hagar seemed incapable of learning this lesson.  When Abraham moved Hagar and Ishmael away, Sarah bore this grief against them all alone and tried not to share it with anyone.  She knew of the times Abraham went to them with supplies and she secretly wondered what went on between them, but she said nothing.  She had her cherished Isaac.  She lavished him with all the love that a mother had for a son, and she ignored that Abraham was not always in her tent.  She accepted that this whole situation was her own fault and she had asked God to forgive her for it long ago.  She knew in her heart of hearts that Abraham cherished her above all women.  She had tried to make her peace with this situation, but if she was not careful it would always rise up against her.  

Now Sarah knew her son was going away and that woman's son - Ishmael - would be going on the journey too.  This did not please her one bit.  Abraham had tried to prepare Sarah for Ishmael's presence here by explaining the necessity of having good and trusted servants on this journey.   That is what he told Sarah, but Abraham had other thoughts about this too.

He had also told Sarah that he was taking Isaac to the school established by Shem (son of Noah) on Moriah so that he could study Torah and learn all the ways of God from the masters in Shem's school.  It was said that Shem's school carefully guarded the mysteries of God and taught them to only very trusted blessed men.  As much as she knew this would be a good thing for her son, she had an unexplained apprehension about it. She realized these teachings were necessary in order to fulfill the calling and purpose of his life, but she had not been able to rest well because of it.

For some reason she sensed a deep sadness in Abraham's voice that did not sound like the excitement of a father taking his son to learn from the great masters.  Did he not realize how many years this would take Isaac away from her?  She wondered if her husband was telling her everything.  Abraham had been very silent, very quiet and was going off to pray by himself a lot these days.

When evening came Sarah could not rest.  She rumbled through her tent and found the lavish, beautiful garments and turban containing a special stone.  This had been given to her by King Abemeleck.  She had saved them for Isaac one day.  She took them to Isaac and told him to dress himself in them as he appeared before the masters in the land of Moriah.  Isaac, astonished at their beauty, took them and hugged her expressing his sincere thanks.  It was another case in Sarah's life where something good had come from something wrong.  King Abemeleck had not touched her and had honored her marriage to Abraham when he had learned the truth.  He had sent her away with lavish gifts.

After she had given him presents from her greatest treasures, Sarah wept and told Isaac how much she did not want him to go away.  Neither of them could sleep that night and they spent the night just talking of Isaac's childhood and expressing their fond memories of all the good times God had granted them with one another as he grew up.

She would not deny him the special time he was to spend with God which would truly make him a better man; but why was Abraham making this journey so mysterious?  Why did she catch her beloved husband gazing at her with what seemed to be a tinge of tender sorrow.  He had always been so protective of her heart, and she sensed he was somehow wanting to be protective of something yet again; she knew not what.  She dared not ask.  

Sarah had learned to let life happen as it happened.  This had been a hard lesson for her to learn.  She had learned not to question, though it was not her true nature.  After the horrid mistake she had made with that Egyptian slave named Hagar, she had learned to let God fulfill His own blessings in His own way in His own time.

She was sad in her soul about this journey, and she was not excited about this parting, even if it was for  a noble cause in Isaac's life.  Even if the study of the Torah would help to fulfill his destiny, she would miss him terribly! She would also miss Abraham.  Would he come home only to leave again to take Ishmael and Hagar back?  She hoped Abraham would give that task to Eliazer. 

Sarah  knew so much could happen in six days, so much!  A whole world had been created in six days!  It would take them six days altogether to make the journey, three days to climb the mountain where Abraham would leave her beloved son to be schooled, and three days for Abraham to return to her, leaving Isaac behind.   Sarah began to petition her great God to look after them both, her beloved husband and her blessed son.  She reminded God, as she often did, of His promises to Isaac and Abraham.  She prayed that God would provide everything that they needed in every minute of this journey.

She felt the salty tears from the Holy Spirit trickle down her face as she prayed and prayed and she knew God had heard her.  Just that He listened to an old woman like her gave her hope and courage.  She reminded herself of how God had kept His promise to them even when it had seemed impossible.   She smiled sweetly at her husband and her beloved son as they prepared for their long journey.

"Perhaps I should go with you," she remarked to Abraham as they sat around the fire that night.  Because of the dark she had not seen the terror that presented itself in his face.  He could not bear to explain all of this to her.  "No, my princess, you must stay behind this time."  Sarah was silent.  As the fire danced before them she leaned on her husband's chest and pondered how she might walk a way behind them without their noticing her presence.  Yes she was old and frail, but she was also courageous and determined.  Had she not waited 25 years for Isaac to be born?  She had seen God's miracle then and she knew he would protect her now.  After Abraham went to sleep she hastened to pack some food and water for herself, then she lay down beside him to rest for a few hours.

The men left early, even before Sarah woke.  It distressed her that she had not been able to tell her son goodbye again as he departed.  She walked outside the tent only to see the face of Hagar staring at her from the shade of the tree. It was the last thing she wanted to see today.

Sarah quickly gathered her things.  She would not be too far behind them.  The first time that Hagar turned her back Sarah was gone down the road.  She knew the general direction toward Moriah.  It took a few hours before she caught up with the men.  They were shocked to see her and amazed that she had followed them so far.  She ran toward Isaac and hugged him close.  "My son!  Who knows when I will see you again?  I could not let you go without saying another goodbye!"

That is when the tears poured forth.  She wept and Abraham wept and Isaac wept, each of them for their own reasons, each of them in deep pain and agony.  After much weeping Abraham and Isaac convinced Sarah to turn back and wait at home.  She stood in the road watching everything that mattered to her walk away to a place where she could not go.   She had never felt so much pain, as if a knife were cutting into her throat and bleeding all of the life out of her.  She finally could not see them anymore and she turned back toward Hebron.

As she approached her tent she noticed an old man walking behind her.  He saw that she had seen him.  She wondered who he was and why he seemed to be following her.  She stopped, though much afraid and faced him.  He bowed low to her and proclaimed that he had come from the school in which her son was to be a pupil.  She drew a deep breath of relief and asked what his business was.  "I am a prophet and I have come to declare the truth to you that your husband and your son have not told you, I fear you will be terribly upset when I tell you, but your husband has gone to build an altar and there he will sacrifice your son to God.  You will not be able to reach them in time to stop it.  I am sorry to have to tell you this."

Sarah screamed the loudest scram ever heard in any land.  It was the wale of a mother with a broken heart. As she felt the strength of  her life leaving her body she thought she saw a vision of her son cut and bleeding and tied to an altar.  She was too weak to walk back to the tent.  She could not bear this horrible news.  She could not bear to think that Abraham would do such a thing.  Her scream was heard by Hagar, who despite their past came running to her side.

The next words from Hagar shocked Sarah again.  "They have told you, haven't they?"  Sarah's eyes looked an answer for the rest of the sentence.  "They have told you that Isaac is to be the sacrifice at Moriah!"  Sarah fainted and Hagar was afraid that she would be blamed for her death.  She panicked and ran away.  The old man had also mysteriously disappeared from the road.  Sarah was left there alone and unconscious for hours until some friends of Abraham passed by and recognized her and took her to their tent and tried to nurse her back to life.

They watched anxiously as Sarah faded in and out of consciousness, and she talked to them about what God was showing her in a dream.  She mentioned how Abraham would only do God's will and that Isaac would only do what God had required of him.  She once again, even in her dream state, confessed that everything God did was always good, even when she did not understand.  The people were astonished at her testimony and admired her courage as she lay dying of grief.   They knew they had cared for a true prophetess.  Finally, in peace and the hope of God, Sarah having lost all reason for living now, gave up her spirit and passed into the other world.  The people of the village preserved her body and waited for Abraham to pass back through the land so they could give him the sad news that the wife he dearly loved had died.

It was several days before they heard his footsteps on the road.  Men were watching and waiting on Abraham, dreading what they had to say to him.  Abraham was deep in thought as he approached alone.  He was still in awe of what God had done for him and Isaac.  He had painfully walked up to Moriah, Isaac at his side.  Isaac had asked the obvious question; "Father, where is the lamb for the sacrifice?"  Abraham had answered "My son, God will provide the lamb."  It was when he had spoken this that Abraham knew that Isaac knew and understood his destiny.  He had moved on willingly and had not resisted one thing that was done to him.  He only asked that his father bind him tightly so that he would not be tempted in a moment of weakness to jump away.  

As Isaac lay down on the altar he remembered his words to Ishmael that day.  They played over and over through his mind.  He heard those words as Abraham raised the knife to slay him and perhaps Abraham had been slow because of another sound that he heard.  A long loud blast from a rams horn sounded forth.  In the midst of that sound Abraham had thought he also heard Sarah screaming and he hesitated for only a moment, but a moment was just enough time for him to hear the Angel say "Stop!"  

And the Angel assured Abraham that everything that God had required of him had been proven and he need not sacrifice the boy.  Suddenly he had seen a ram caught in the thicket.  He quickly untied Isaac and together they sacrificed the lamb that God had provided.  A day of sadness had become instantly a day of joy.  

Abraham had left Isaac with the great Masters to learn the secrets of Torah and he had hurried home to Sarah and he was full of thankfulness and excitement.  He could not wait to share this story with his beloved wife.

His countenance quickly changed as the men stopped him with the tragic news of  Sarah's death.  Abraham, only hours ago had escaped the greatest grief he thought he would ever know, but now he realized that Sarah's death would leave him only half a person.  He was not sure how he would go on living without her.  The men who had met him in the road saw him age 20 years in his appearance from the short walk from where they found him to the place where they had laid Sarah.

Abraham took his beloved wife and buried her in the cave at Macphelah, just as they had discussed when  Sarah was living.  He knew God would look after her there and it was a way for him to fulfill one last wish from her.  

With a broken heart he went to sit alone under the terebinth tree and he mourned for days.  Finally he lifted his head and rode out toward the dessert.  It would be a long time before Isaac returned, and Abraham could not bear to stay in Hebron without him.  

PEN ART - LEAVING

(I wrote this poem several years back when I thought we were going to have to sell our home.  Fortunately, by yet another miracle of God in my life, things got better and it did not happen; but God did let me capture the moment and the truth of the whole emotional experience here in words.)

LEAVING

(Writing and photography by:  Sheila Gail Landgraf)

"I'm leaving,"
I speak to a house than cannot even speak back to me.
Somewhere deep in my heart I imagine hearing answering words,
Could it just be my imagination?
"I have served you and loved you for so long!"
"Yes."
It is all that I can answer back, for no mere words are sufficient.
Fourteen years I have laid my head on your pillows,
Watched how the sunlight slanted from your windows,
Sought my refuge here at the end of the day,
Saw the rainbows that formed from the sunlight on the kitchen walls around seven a.m. each morning.
I fed my family in your rooms,
Heard the sound of children's laughter from your halls,
Warmed myself in front of your fires,
Baked cookies after school and helped kids with homework here,
Prayed with only you for company.
I cleaned you,
Painted you,
Dressed you up in new clothes.
I kept renewing you as you grew older.
But alas, you cannot do the same for me;
You are just a house,
With walls that cannot speak.
You do not have a soul,
Or do you?
You are helpless to help me,
But I sense your compassion as I softly take the last deep breath before I leave you.
You must know my breaking heart,
And you must feel the pain I feel from leaving you behind.
The place that I have always known as home
Has been abruptly ripped away from me.
I'm so sorry that I could not save you this time,
Like so many times before.
There was nothing I could do.
I shall not return except in the dreams of night,
And through memories that will be sure to fade over time,
No matter how hard I hold on to them.
I thought I would grow old here,
But it isn't to be.
May your new faces love you as much as I have.
May I somehow find your peace and joy in the next place,
Where ever they let me go.
Finally the words come that I've been searching for;
Just two little words,
"Thank you."
Then four more,
"I will miss you."
I gently close the door on fourteen happy years and walk away.
The azaleas on the stoop wave goodbye.
The redbird in the front yard plumb tree chirps his farewell.
The fig tree stands silent and green as I leave my heart in a trail of little pieces down the road.

PEN ART - A POEM FOR FALL

LIVING IN AWE
A Poem that doesn't rhyme:

(Written by Sheila Gail Landgraf)

The crisp sharp sunlight filters down through my bedroom window.

It nudges me awake from warm and cozy sleeping.

The air is cool as I regretfully leave the comfort of warm quilts and grab my robe.

Bare feet against wooden floors whisper that winter is coming soon.

The air feels fresher; almost as if a cool rain has fallen through the night,

Leaving only cheerful sunlight behind.

Everything is brighter and cleaner today.

I take deeper breaths. 

The air feels good and fresh in my lungs.

I breathe in Fall and all of its wonderfulness.

Morning coffee just has a better flavor in this season,

I add cinnamon for fun.

I sip slowly as I linger in the slanted light, wishing I were more carefree.

Finally I step out into the morning and see the trees have put on their annual fashion show.

They parade all around me in their vivid deep colors,

Those long, lean, graceful trees that understand the art of modeling better than any human,

I pass between them on my way,

Feeling small and insignificant in their midst;

My eyes noting how each tree characteristically paints the sky behind it with a unique individual flair.

Their swirling leaves dance on the side of the road as I travel on toward the mundane destinations of the day,

Those messy trees leave their fashion in a trail all over the earth’s floor,

like a teen-aged girl who has over-shopped.

I drink in the colors of lovely leaves,

Waving at me,

dancing in the wind as if they were next door neighbors calling out for me to stop and say hello.

The pumpkins at the curb market smile toothy smiles 

as I venture on down the road.

I resist the urge to stop and pick one for my front porch.

I know I would be late for nothing important;

So I move on.

With the magic of God’s creation surrounding me as I go,

I proclaim out loud to no one in particular that it is a shame I must continue with my boring usualness.

On such a day, it simply isn’t fair!

And it just doesn’t seem right not to stop a bit in the Fall and move a little slower.

I feel as if the whole world should just stand still for at least a day

And absorb the returning of this lovely season’s beauty.

It is the beginning of Fall

And I am completely in awe.

SEASONS - REMEMBERING THE FEAST OF TABERNACLES A FEW YEARS BACK

(Writing and Photography by Sheila Gail Landgraf)

Here is a little article that I wrote several years ago as we approached the first day of Sukkot/The Feast Of Tabernacles.  It was a period of time when my husband had been unemployed for quite awhile, I was cut back to 32 hours a week on my job and we were struggling quite a bit.  These thoughts give me great comfort now, as I look back and realize how God always looks after His children, no matter what their circumstances.  This temporary time taught me to learn how to better live out my life’s verse.

The time has arrived for The Feast of Tabernacles!

                  On the fifteenth day of this seventh month is the Festival of Sukkot, seven days
                                                                                      for the L-RD 
                                                                                  (Leviticus 23:34)

I LOVE Sukkot!!!!! 

It is a sweet, sweet time before the Lord that I treasure every year.  Of course, I can’t be in Jerusalem this year, and I am not a member at a Jewish congregation, but I am one of those born again, believing Christians who has come to understand the great significance of The Feast of Tabernacles, and celebrating this time before the Lord is always a big HUGE thing in my year. 

This season I’ve had to literally claw my way through the trappings of the world in order to get to God’s way of celebration.   It should be easy, not hard; but it hasn’t happened that way this year. Arriving in the proper place has not been at all easy.

I had dreamed all year of gathering the whole family together into a little mountain resort town, worshipping together every day and celebrating the joy of The Lord together all during the feast week, and just spending family time and relaxing in the evenings.  Things gradually, one by one, fell apart.  Everyone has made some other plans, money was tight, etc., etc.  Well, yes, that was my perfect plan, but alas, God has allowed a situation where I have unexpectedly had to forfeit this plan for something much simpler. 

My first prayer was one of frustration.  Nothing should stop the joy of the feast, so I just begin to passionately hold that up to God.  He answers me that I am absolutely right.  Hmmmm…..so I say but Lord; my budget will not allow a trip with the family this time.  I’ve done everything that I can, but it just isn’t happening.  

“Yes, I know” is what I hear. 

But Lord, why has it worked out this way?  And the answer is the most surprising thing, but I do hear it.

“Because I have called you to be content in all circumstances.”

I suddenly remembered the verse I long ago chose for my life verse,
Philippians 4:11-13.

The words screamed out to me:   Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
 

  I had no idea that keeping this wonderful season that I have previously kept with such ease was going to be so hard and complicated this year.  You know what?  Sometimes God REALLY calls on you to live out those life verses. 

Now, that word  “contentment” isn’t exactly what pops into my mind when I think of

celebrating a weeklong festival before the Lord.  I envision feasting, dancing, singing in crowds of joyful people with great fanfare!  So finally I gather my courage and  I ask The Lord what He has planned for me this week, knowing that asking Him was the very first thing I should have considered all along.  He says back to me those hard to digest words I often hear:

“I will show you.  Trust me.”
I am sure it is wrong to complain, but those words didn’t give me much direction. 

Next thing I know, my work calls to tell me they have a great need for me to be in the office on Monday and they want me to postpone my vacation time I’ve set aside at least one day, maybe more.  I had been trying to regroup and at least make a not so extravagant plan for something special to do at home with the family during this feast, but now I can’t even get the first day off from work, and will possibly even have more time than that tied up at work.  

The Ox is in the ditch. 

Some people would say it is a sin for me to work, and I should just take the time off 

anyway.   I had to confess to these zealots that I was in a bondage that I had created for myself – I had a mortgage and needed to keep my job in order to pay my bills.  We were going through tough financial times out there in the business world.  If you were employed you were one of the blessed, and you should not take that for granted in today’s economy.  My heart was already hurting for those that I worked with that had recently been let go for no fault of their own.  I did have to remember that  God said we should be responsible stewards.  I needed to  keep my word and pay my bills.  I needed my job, although at the time I  actually did have on my mind that maybe I no longer needed a mortgage, but God would have to led me through that decision and process over time.  I couldn't change anything overnight.   This was something out of my control.  I stood in the midst  of making tough decisions, of turning one way and then the other until I finally just ended up saying:

 “Okay, Lord, I trust You.” 

I’m was looking out my bedroom window, feeling sorry for myself, thinking sadly that I had not even built a sukkah!. I felt like a failure before God actually, because of not living up to my own testimony about keeping God’s feasts and festivals.  I knew in my heart He wanted us to keep them!   Then, almost as if someone was standing behind me and tapping ne on the shoulder, God reminds me that my back deck is a three sided structure that you can see the stars through.

Hmmm……………

He has provided what I was not prepared for.  I think of this simple little miracle and my heart becomes happier.  I go about planning an outdoor dinner on the deck for tonight.   We may not be starting the feast in a fancy place, but our home is a good place.  The view from our deck will be great! l  There will be lots of stars shining through the shelter.  This is good.

I consider the food.  My planning has been bad.  My budget has been so tight that the menu will probably need to be very limited.  I look in my pantry and find some great selections that I had overlooked.  God always provides what you need.  I had the physical things all along without even knowing it, now I just had to bring my mind and my spirit to the right place.  That was the thing that was most needed.  I confessed my sins of worry and anxiety to God.  I felt His forgiveness flood over me.  I thanked God for his awesome provision, and asked Him to keep my eyes wide open to all the daily blessings He brings from now on.  I had everything that we needed right here under our own roof to offer a joyful feast of thanksgiving to God on the first night of the festival. 

I thought of the people of God throughout history who had to celebrate their feast days under truly hard circumstances.  There were those who celebrated under  the rule of captivity.  I thought of those Jewish heroes that had to celebrate their feast days in concentration camps.  I remembered Corrie Ten Boom and her messages of how she found hope when there was no hope.  I thought of Joseph worshipping God in the pagan life he was forced to live in Egypt.  I began to see that my problems were all in my head. 
I resolved that after work tomorrow, I can do the same again.  We could have our feast on our provided sukkah on the deck and look at the stars and thank The God of Heaven and Earth every night during this week. 

Suddenly I felt very rested and not at all stressed.    

Maybe I was just anxious for nothing? 

I apologized to God for being so stressed over the details.  I am usually such a “Mary,” always worshipping at The Master’s feel; but this week I have been caught acting and behaving just like a “Martha” getting all bogged down in the details and the work and so much so that I almost missed the whole point of setting aside the time to listen, worship, rest and just be thankful and joyful in  the Lord. 

I  have been reminded this week that God simply wants me to sit at His feet and worship.  It doesn’t have to be elaborate, it can be as simple as a dinner on my back deck with my husband.  We will feast with the things that He has provided and offer thanksgiving prayers, ever grateful that we have food and shelter for this day, for this moment and for this season. 

It is enough to bask in God’s presence right where we are, right in the moment that we are living in, in the temples of our temporary bodies that He has given us and with our spirits that will never be destroyed or pass away. 

When the stars come out in the night sky, we will look up to see God’s story written in them. 

Is it not a great miracle? 

Is it not a wonderful thing just to sit after a full meal and look up at the night sky and be ever thankful that God is in control and we are not?  

The God who thinks way beyond anything that I could ever imagine reminded me that we own a telescope that is not even being used.  I had not thought of it in years.  I hasten to go out to the storage area and clean it up and place it next to our table on the deck.  Yes, we have everything that we need, and even more!

Happy Feast of Tabernacles Everyone! 

May you be able to see God’s blessing unfold before you as you worship and sit at His feet this week.

I pray that the world will not be able to keep you from all the good that God has blessed you with.

May we all live in eager anticipation for the time when Messiah returns to set up His Kingdom and rule and reign, for a thousand years of peace.

He will graciously provide everything that we need, and it could just be that  the simple things are actually the richest things after all.