COME AS A CHILD – LESSON 145 – HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER

THE COMMANDMENT WITH A PROMISE:

 (Written by Sheila Gail Landgraf)

Moses is still up on the mountain with God receiving the ten best ways to live.  The first four ways were all about honoring God.  

Now God gives Moses the fifth commandment:  “Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.”

The things God begins to tell Moses now turn from how we should treat God to how we should treat one another. 

This fifth commandment is the first commandment with a promise:  “that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.”  

When you are a child your parents stand in authority over you.  They are the very first people who communicate the love of Our Heavenly Father to you.  In a way, they stand in the gap between you and God until you are old enough to be accountable for yourself.  God has considered their precious servanthood and stewardship in this very important role.  He asks that we show our parents the love and honor that they deserve for simply being our parents and bringing us into this world.  If they did nothing else but give us life; they deserve our honor and respect.  Most parents do SO much more.  Most parents would be willing to make any sacrifice required in order to give their child a safe and happy life.  They deserve our love and respect.  We could never repay what their love and concern have provided for us.    

This honor and respect that God demands we give to our parents while we are children should not end when we grow up and become adults.  At some point the responsibility shifts and the child becomes responsible for the parent.   As our parents age, they require extra care.  They cared for us when we were helpless infants; why should we not care for them when the problems of age arise in their lives?  When this happens, and it always does sooner or later, the children have the opportunity and the privilege to say “thank you” for all the things they were provided with in their raising and growing up.  This "thanks" comes in the form of our best effort to honor and respect their dignity as well as provide any needed help and/or support needed because of ageing.    

God hasn’t just commanded us to honor and respect our parents without first instructing our parents in their own unique role within the family.   In Deuteronomy 6:5-7:  God tells parents how to train their children:   “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.  And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” 

This is why God expects us to respect our parents; because He has instructed them in our training which includes knowing and honoring all of the commandments that God gave to Moses up on the mountain.  God expects the best out of those He blesses with children; and in return; God expects the best from those children of blessing!

 

Perhaps God gave us this commandment because He realizes that the health and well-being of a civilization is inextricably linked to the health and stability of marriage and family.   By honoring our parents we honor the institution of marriage, parenthood and family.

God is constantly drawing us all into His huge family.  He did this when He allowed His Only Begotten Son to come down to earth and live as one of us; then suffer a cruel death on a cross to pay the penalty for our sins.  We get to practice here on earth for becoming a member of God’s heavenly family in the afterlife.
  
Have you ever considered that?

What we do now, our decisions, our commitments, our giving and taking, will probably be the same as what we would do then.  God expects us to be transformed NOW, and not wait until we are on our death beds in order to start living the Kingdom life.  Because He is a good and constant teacher of all the things we need to know to live our best life now; God daily gives us all a chance to improve our relational skills during this present lifetime.  Through loving, godly parents God is beginning our days of training in how to get along with others.   What we learn here will carry over into eternity.  God will expect us to honor and cherish Him as our Heavenly Father; just as he expects us to honor and cherish our earthly parents in this life that He has granted us right now.

I hate to burst your bubble; but your best life now isn't about gaining material things and wealth.  It is probably just the opposite.  Your best life now is about learning to live in the ways of God.  This wisdom, applied daily will give you a good life.  It may not be the most prosperious life or the most leisurely life; but if you begin to live God's way and aspire to keep His commandments now, when you come to the end of your days you will look back and say; it was a wonderful life.  Part of that wonderful life is learning how to honor and respect other people.  The very first people we practice this life skill on is our own parents.  

The scriptures make it pretty plain that God wants our families to succeed and prosper.  He designed the family to be a foundation for building a society and a nation.  In order for communities to be stable the families in the community must be well and healthy.  Ultimately God wants us to have spiritually healthy families so we can produce godly off-spring (Malachi 2:15) and in so doing; expand God’s family.  The fifth commandment sets up the rules that make this work out best for all parties.  Good godly parents should produce good godly children who love, honor and respect them.   This is the way God intended for us to live.  It is a way of peace, joy and harmony.  When a family is really a family; there should be no fear in growing old, only honor.

But what if you were not blessed with godly, loving parents? 

The words of the commandment still say that you should honor and respect your parents anyway.  Those holy words do not say to honor your “perfect” parent, or your “godly” parent or your “righteous” parent.  The words simply say “honor your parents” and it doesn’t seem to define who or what they are to you or go into any mistakes that they might have made along the way in how they have treated you as you grew up.  You are to honor your parents.  No further explaination.

We all wish for strong families.  This is not always simple or easy to achieve.  One aspect of forming a strong family is a sense of deep commitment for one another.  It takes two parties to make this work perfectly, but two has to start out with one.  If neither party is willing to make the committment or take the first step to try to get along, all will simply stall out and there will be no real family.   

Family life isn't always a picture perfect post card.  When circumstances become strained or unpleasant and when the other party disappoints you, or lets you down, consider the fact that true families stay dedicated to each other and are committed to staying together through the good, the bad and the ugly.  

If your parent has turned out to be "not so perfect" love them anyway.  Beware that the definition of love is not the toleration of sin or the willingness to let someone have their way no matter what.  Love always demonstrates what is best and most needed for all.  It is not one-sided or biased.  Love is fair; yet forgiving and merciful.   Pray for your parents and ask God to show them where to change.  You do not have to accept the sins of another person's life; you simply have to accept the person whether that means they are imperfect or not.  You can hate the sin and still love the sinner.  Follow the many examples of Jesus. He was the expert in this field.. He is the definition of pure and honest love.   Also, ask God to open your eyes to things you may not be aware of.  Ask God if there are things that you may need to change in yourself.  Try to look inward before you start looking outward to be judgemental of others.  Have honest conversations with your imperfect parents and express your feelings, but show respect and treat them with honor and dignity through the process.    

Instead of letting hard times or bad circumstances crush your family relationships, try working together to overcome these things.  God wants us all to work together to correct our problems.  So often life doesn’t go the way we planned, or doesn’t offer a perfect little picture of what we think it is supposed to be.  We must remember the fifth commandment during these times and remember our part of the commitment is to love and honor our parents, even when from a human perspective, you could come up with a million reasons not to do so.  Stay deeply committed to your family members; no matter what.

But how would you go about this as your parents grow older and become more senile and set in their ways? 

We live in a fast-paced, busy world full of work and school activities and the constant care and maintenance of our own homes.  People expect more and more from daily living.  Family time with older parents can be hard to achieve under these busy and hectic circumstances.  Yet the first step in becoming a more healthy family is to find the time to be together in the midst of all the business. 

When we spend quality time together as a family we express by our actions that we value and care about each other.  This one thing alone will help you to feel more connected and whole.  Spending time together, no matter how difficult, bonds family ties.  One of the best ways to accomplish this is to share a meal together.  This seems to have been one of Jesus’ favorite family activities.  We could take a lesson from Him and move more in that direction with our own family members. 

Another thing that draws families together is to worship together; both in the home and within a church congregation.  Families that worship together tend to grow together.  

Some families like to play games, go on picnics, watch sports together, or enjoy recreational activities together, whatever activities they can find that makes them feel more connected.  It is good during these activities and times to put away our distractions of TV, music, video games and smart phones and simply do things that strengthen and build up our family relationships. 

Sometimes older parents just need someone to come over and help them take care of the maintenance of their home, cleaning, yard work, cooking, painting, etc.  This type of service shows the loving intentions of your heart, and even in the worst relationships, sometimes it can help to melt the icy past and warm up the future of your times together.  You don’t have to agree on everything to share a meal.  You don’t have to approve of one’s lifestyle to lend a hand here and there in their life.  Try to leave the negativity behind and turn a page, perhaps your efforts will bring a change of heart on their part too. 

Make time for conversations and be sure to do your part of the listening.  Try to develop constructive conversational skills   Be open and honest, but do this in a loving and respectful manner.  Focus on the kind of conversation that builds up and does not tear down.  Beware of the mistake of jumping to false conclusions or mind-reading in these conversations. If you are unsure of something; ask.  Asking for clarification expresses that you truly care and are concerned that you understand someone else's needs.  It is not an intrusion.  It shows that you are genuinely concerned and truly care about what the person really needs.  

When you feel truly appreciative of something try to genuinely express it.  So often we tend to criticize the bad and forget to praise the good.  Work on the positive aspects of the relationship and play down and try to forgive the negative aspects of the relationship.  Verbal communications and meaningful gestures matter to everyone, but especially to parents who often feel neglected.  Remember to give compliments and say thank you whenever it is appropriate to do so. 

Try to keep the “golden rule” tucked firmly into your mind as you develop your family relationships.  Do for them whatever you wish for them to do for you.  The more you practice this example that Jesus set down for us, the more your family dynamics will move from barely-there to high-functioning. 

Keep short accounts and always remember to ask for forgiveness when you know you have done something wrong or offensive.  Hurt feelings should not be allowed to fester and grow.  Misunderstandings are a normal part of family life, but if the parties do not make amends they can lead to bitterness and grudges on both sides.  When offenses occur these conflicts should always be resolved quickly.  Forgiveness must be asked for and forgiveness must be received.  Try to talk things out without attacking each other and stick to addressing the issues.  

Make it your goal to resolve any family issues before sunset because Ephesians 4:26 tells us that no one should go to bed angry.  Even though you will have clashes and misunderstandings in family dynamics from time to time, each person should be able to know that the other cares about the relationship enough to try to work things out.  Be patient and understanding when this happens. 

In the end it all boils down to the fact that parents, like children, are simply human.  All humans need love, respect, honor and dignity.  Do not be guilty of holding these things back from those that you call family.  When you have done your best, win or lose, with success or failure, go to sleep at night in peace knowing that your Heavenly Father has promised to look after you and will reward you one day in due time for keeping this fifth commandment. 

God always keeps His promises, whether it happens in this present day or sometime in eternity.  This commandment states that honoring your parents will make your days be long and that you will be blessed in the land.  Why does this work out this way?  Because you are cultivating love and anywhere that love goes blessings follow.  Remember, no matter what happens or how hard the circumstances get that God is watching.  He knows everything that is not seen by others.  He knows your efforts and your heart and He does not just look on the outward appearance of things as the world tends to do.   

Honoring your parents shows honor and respect for God too.  Let's all make the world a whole lot better place by honoring and keeping this fifth commandment.